Pregnancy & Journaling

November 09, 2014  •  Leave a Comment

Keeping a pregnancy journal is a great idea -- years from now, it will be fun for you and your little one to look back on. Shortly after my daughter was born, I wrote to her in this journal. It contains a few of my pregnancy experiences.I only wish I kept record through the whole nine months, not just after birth. It's unedited and as written, sorry, I know the grammar is not perfect. Here is my story:

original journal entry "I found out I was pregnant Jan. of 2011. I would get sick for no reason so I knew before I took the test. 

I told Daddy who had already suspected. He was very happy. Grandma Congratulated me with a big hug. Morning sickness was a nightmare for me. I think I must have been nauseous 40-50% of the day and threw up several times each. I was so tired of being sick. I remember being afraid to go anywhere because it would come on so suddenly. I gained 10 lbs in the first four months. most of that was from the peanut butter and jellies you had me oh so addicted to. My highest weight during pregnancy was at nine months. about a week before going into labor I hit 158lbs. My knees would hurt when I would walk up the stairs, I couldn't sleep at night - I remember saying " I cant wait to have this baby, night time feedings and diaper changes will be easy compared to this" I hadn't had a decent night of sleep in about 6 months. I would wake up every two hours - like clockwork. and I CONSTANTLY had to pee.

The first ultrasound we watched, I cried. I felt like this was a dream come true. For years, after Jonathan was born we thought we'd never have any more children. I never dreamed I'd feel another life inside of me. or smell that wonderful new baby scent that is so unbelievably intoxicating - so my first ultrasound was very emotional. I was so happy. I remember thinking how cute the baby is when it wiggled on the screen.

You were always so funny during ultrasounds.. always very active, stretching, kicking, playing with your tongue. It was funny. cute. something I'd like to remember. Thats why i'm writing this all down so that one day I can reflect back on all these special moments and feelings and so that someday my baby girl can read in detail my pregnancy story. I wish I would have started this during my pregnancy.

Every ultrasound after that I would hope and hope they could see what gendar you were. I had a feeling I was carrying a girl but needed to know for sure so I could pick out all the fun stuff, and get your room done. It wasn't until the end of my EIGHT month when the ultrasound tech noticed "it's a girl" ! I was ecstatic! so excited to tell everyone. Unfortunately, I was stuck in the hospital while they got our contractions under control. Finally they gave me some medicine. and I waited and waited for it to work. So I was lying there in the hospital bed all hooked up to Ivs and monitors waiting and waiting and hoping to be able to go home. I didn't want to spend the night in that dreadful place. Well, it wasn't so bad.. but it was boring. really really boring. I called Jon to tell him ITS A GIRL and filled him in on what was taking me so long. , about five minutes after hanging up with him my mom called me. I was happy she called. and thrilled to have someone to talk with. The nurses there were really wonderful. the one that stayed w/ me was great. we talked a lot. and discovered that we both detest the smell of wet peanut butter ( I dont know why this conversation stuck in my head, I can remember it so clearly) It was getting late and I feared they might keep me the night... I bugged the shit out of everyone until happily, they sent me home.... w/ mild contractions. and instructions to come back if they got any worse. 

I stopped at dunkin donuts on the way home to order a med. ice coffee. and three donuts. One jelly filled, one dbl. chocolate, and one sprinkled. I got one each for me, jon, and jonny. but I ate them all.

I was sort of on bed rest or take it easy time after all this. So I stopped at michaels craft store and picked up a "how to crochet" book. I made you two blankets and was so proud of myself for learning all the basics. and for making such a cute blanket. I had tried years ago but had trouble and put it away. Just needed some "take it easy time" to get it right

Baby Names! throught the whole pregnancy Jon and I looked through thousands of names and couldn't agree on any. We didn't put much thought into boy names because we both kind of had a feeling you'd be a girl - even though they hadn't confirmed it yet on the ultrasound. At first we agreed on Mary Jane, then your name was going to be Aura Lee (there is a nice song about an Aura Lee) but it was brought to my attn that it sounds a lot like orally. We had to think of something else. Darn, I really liked that one.. Ok, so next was Josephine.. that was nice, but a little old fashioned. then one day "lina" popped into mind from a book I had read some time ago. Yes. Lina is a great name. Lina.... Michelle. I looked up the meanings of both and decided it was perfect. Lina means compassionate and delicate, is arabic in origin and Michelle means like god. I was able to talk Jon into agreement on the name just two weeks before you were born. 

I used to drink a 2 ltr bottle of ginger ale every night (never liked the stuff prior to being pregnant) I dont know what it was about the stuff - but I had to have it. Maybe it had something to do with sugar. I had a sugar problem during this pregnancy.

Some of my pregnancy cravings were: macaroni and cheese with hot sauce, soda, chocolate, everything chocolate, caramel, ice cream, almost anything sweet. I absolutely could not tolerate eggs. I used to eat them... now I cant.. still cant even after having you. they will make me nauseous.

I was getting tired of being so heavy. and was becoming self concious about the way I looked because my maternaty clothes were getting very snug. I was in Hannaford one day. Jonny and I were at the checkout when a woman approached me touching my arm she said "excuse me.. I just had to come over and say that I think you are just the prettiest pregnant woman I've ever seen. your clothes are so cute and well put together, you dont see that very often." Bless that woman. that was so nice to hear especially when I had been feeling so awkward about myself. she has no idea how much she brightened my day and changed my week. 

my due date was sept. 29th. I hoped you'd be born on the 30th so we could share the same birthdate. as the 30th approached I became very active hoping to throw myself into labor and on the morning of my birthday I was having mild contractions, but they just weren't bad enough. I kind of knew it wasn't happening that day. I went to bed. I knew we was getting close.

Oct. 1st.... Oct 2nd.... Oct 3rd... Where are you???? there is barely enough room for the both of us in here, and your foot is now constantly pressing against my right rib. Later this day I began feeling significant contractions. labor had begun. Toward the end of the day the contractions were becoming more intense and in spite of the long nap I had taken earlier I was tired. I remember thinking that this was not a good time for a baby. I was tired. tomorrow would be better. I didn't want to do this tonight...

I called mom again to let her know how I was doing and that we would be bringing Jonny to her house later. I was in no hurry to get to the hospital because I knew once I checked in I wouldn't be leaving until it was over. We left the house around 9pm and headed to her house which was about an hour away. We were almost there when my contractions became even more painful. I had forgotten how un-fun this was. I remembered declaring I would never do this again right after Jonny was born. Leaving Jonny was difficult. He was 5 and had never spent a night away from home. or away from me. he cried. didn't want me to go. but he was excited at the same time because his little sister was FINALLY coming out. We left moms around 11 and headed to the hospital where they were expecting me.

By the time we arrived my contractions were really bad. I was only 2cm dilated so Jon and I went for a walk. I had to stop a few times because of the pain. He had to hold me up. During this I felt such an intense feeling of love for him. it was so overwhelming and powerful. I wasn't getting an epidural because the last time I had that they messed up. It was a disaster. I felt all the pain and had numbness along my back and right leg for months after having him. so when we got back to my room I asked for something for the pain. they gave me some IV that made me slur my words and fall asleep. before I passed out I remember feeling so happy the pain was gone. Jon was laying next to me in our hospital bed. we both fell asleep. 

I woke up a couple hours later in extreme pain. Asked for more meds but they couldn't give me any more. it was too close. I guess I kept dozing off.. I remember hearing the nurses talk. they said I was really tired and kept falling asleep between contractions. I guess that doesn't happen very often

The nurses were fantastic. One was especially helpful. she hugged me assuring me I could do this and guided me through some breathing. (which was helpful) Its kind of funny how I took such great comfort in the nurses but not so much in Jon. (he knew to keep his distance from the last time) I guess I felt like the nurses understood what I was feeling and had gone through it too. That was the worst physical pain I ever experienced.

You were born in less then 10 pushes. I did not scream, or swear. every ounce of energy went into those pushes. the quicker I could do this the quicker we'd be done. You were born on October 4th at 10:01 am

They put you directly on my chest and I was taken by how tiny you were. I kept saying how tiny and beautiful you were. - I cried.. I was so happy and in love. We were tired and slept a lot. I woke up a couple hours later. your grandma was sitting on my bed holding you. Daddy, Jonny and Uncle vinny were in the room with us too. It was nice see everyone. I was happy they came. My hospital bed had a blue comforter on it. it was the exact same comforter Jonny has on his bed. that was comforting and made me feel more at home.

We stayed at the hospital 24 hours before they let us go. I could have signed us out immediately but my blood pressure was rediculously high and they strongly recommended we stay. I'm happy we did. it was nice to have some quiet time to bond.

The next morning we were getting ready to leave. Jon and Jonny would be calling me soon to see what time to pick us up. I think it was around 8am when they showed up. They didn't call, just wanted to surprise us. I missed them, and was so happy to see them both.

Giving birth is really one of the most amazing and wretchedly painful experiences - but worth every second. and come to think of it. I'm sure it must be awful for baby too - being squished and pushed and everything. I remember the first time I looked into your huge blueberry eyes. I thought to myself " WOW, this tiny little person has never seen anything but darkness.. she looks out her little blurry eyes at all these new shapes and colors for the first time in her life she can see things. she looks amazed by everything. I'm so happy to be a part of this. Sweetheart, I want to show you everything.There is so much beauty and happiness in this world, I will teach you how to see it. 

I suffered post partum depression pretty badly. well, it wasn't really a depression - just EVERYTHING made me cry. The best way I could describe it is an overwhelming joy and love. Jon has been wonderful through all my ups and downs. It lasted about two weeks and then my hormones balanced out some. 

I look at you and think wow, this is what my mom must have felt like when I was born. I recently read a journal she kept when i was a newborn and I sobbed. it was so touching and I could relate with every single word she wrote in it. Having a daughter is much different than I expected. It's wonderful. I feel a very strong connection with you, I can understand you in a very special sort of way. You are like a little me. ."


Pregnancy & You MagazineOur story was later published in Pregnancy and You, Magazine.




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